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Bill Tenny-Brittain wrote an article entitled “The Stewardship of Friends” published in May/June 08 of NetResults.org magazine.
It is excerpted from his book Hitchhiker’s Guide to Evangelism, available from Chalice Press in fall 2008.
I had the chance to read Bill’s book prior to publishing and am glad to recommend this book to you.
The essential point in Bill’s article states:
“One of the saddest admissions I regularly hear from churched Christians is that they don’t really have any unchurched friends. Now, the key word there is friend.”
When I do a teaching exercise as part of the evangelism workshops that I give, I find the same thing. I ask people to give me the names of 3 people they are close to who do not go to church and who do not have a relationship with Jesus as best they can tell.
I get lots of blank stares and empty faces.
The answer is often zero.
So how to do develop those new relationships? Bill asks five practical questions / steps to help you think through this.
1. Pull out your calendar. On what two tasks or chores have you spent the most time over the past two months? How does that make you feel: satisfied, justified, horrified, embarrassed, happy, sad?
2. How much time have you spent with an unchurched person? With unchurched people?
3. Who do you know that you could “get to know better” over the next two months? List at least three people. (Note: you may not yet know their names.)
4. List five things you can do to get to better know at least one of the above-listed people. Make sure you include appropriate ways both to meet them more formally and to move past casual introductions.
5. Grab your calendar again and calendar a deadline for meeting and doing something with (or for) this person.
Dr. Bill Tenny-Brittain is the Senior Editor of Net Results and a Senior Consultant with Easum, Bandy, & Associates.
He is the author of a number of books on aspects of spirituality, evangelism, and church growth. In addition, Bill spends much of his time helping congregations navigate their way through the maze of the changing North American culture. He lives in Missouri with his wife Kris.
Comments (0) Posted on Monday, November 3rd, 2008
Below is an article I wrote for a men’s publication, coming out later in May.
Mac and Susan (*) were new neighbors that moved into our cul-de-sac. A few days after the trucks left and friends stopped dropping by, my wife and I prepared some welcome cookies (fresh baked oatmeal raisin, still warm from the oven) then went over and introduced ourselves, to give a warm welcome to our community.
We made lots of small talk about the community, about life, and shared a little of our personal backgrounds. Eventually, Mac asked me: “What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a pastor.”
Often, that kills the conversation.
But this time, Mac wanted to know more.
He asked me all sorts of questions, and began to reveal much about his spiritual journey. In college, he had been involved with a campus ministry, was busying talking to others about his faith in Christ.
Yet he was always troubled by the problem of evil.
If God is love, then why did Hitler even exist?
Since he couldn’t come to a satisfactory answer, he set his faith aside and decided it was better not to be certain of anything. He stopped going to church, changed his social networks over time, and became a pleasant agnostic. He was quite happy with his choice, and his life was fine without an active faith.
My current neighbor, an Australian wine maker, is simply “on his journey.”
Many of us likely know men who are in the same place: a place where faith is not important, and men whose life is fine without an active faith. Men, like my former neighbor, who might label themselves ex-Christian; men who might take on the label agnostic, or atheist.
Many of us know first hand that it is not easy to reach men with the gospel. Giving up is not an option, and just one man turning to Christ can revolutionize an entire church or community.
The power of a shared life
Effective evangelism to men begins with genuine male friendships, sharing common experiences, and doing life together. In that relational context, men develop the security to share what’s really on their minds.
It is this type of relationship that leads to success with men in evangelism. In all the reading I have done, all the ministry I’ve been a part of, many men’s leaders unanimously agree that building long-term relationships is the best way to lead a man to Christ.
Swinging a hammer together on Habitat for Humanity, crewing on a sailboat, disaster relief, feeding programs, and even golf tournaments some of the ways that I’ve been involved in doing shared life ministry. In the context of doing life together, many men find the liberty to talk deeply.
Talking about grace in a quiet space
Jorge (*) was an architect. He stopped going to church nearly 30 years prior simply because it didn’t make sense. One afternoon, I served as the crew on his racing sailboat, joining him for the best of three in the afternoon. It wasn’t a very windy day, so the skill was catching the mild breeze correctly to move forward. With lulls in the breeze, we had nothing to do except talk.
Jorge shared his life with me, shared with me his struggles of faith, and I shared some of the answers that I have found in Christ. We talked about the definition of grace, and how I discovered an amazing grace. The conversation was genuine, not preachy. The tone was polite and respectful. The breeze picked up and we raced on.
Months later, during another race, we experienced another lull in the wind, Jorge picked up the conversation from before. My comments had intrigued him and we continued to talk deep.
Reaching Men
If you want to reach men, consider how you can help the men of your congregation do life together. Help your men see the value of inviting others to something besides a church service.
- Service projects for housing or disaster relief efforts
- Golf tournaments, Fishing events, or other sports events
- Cookouts, BBQs, Block parties and other such social events
- Retreats around practical life, such as how to love your family, or not to marry a jerk.
As church leaders, our goal is to help provide the space for men to connect and do life together. We can encourage them to notice the moments when talking about faith is appropriate. We can model how to do that with our own lives.
Let me ask you this?
What does your church do for men’s outreach?
Comments (5) Posted on Monday, April 28th, 2008
Saturday, I attended Eric Hoey’s (photo to right, link goes to Eric’s Blog) workshop on Evangelism and Church growth at the Multi-Cultural Church Conference this past weekend in San Antonio.
Among other things, Eric reminded our group about different styles of evangelism connected with your personality. The material came from Becoming a Contagious Christian, Bill Hybels and Mark Mittleberg.
Peter’s Confrontational Approach — Acts 2:22-41
If Peter was convinced he was right, there was almost no stopping him. He was direct, he was bold, and he was to the point.
Many of you know Peter’s in your face approach. Instead of complying, he defied. Instead of being quiet, he proclaimed. He was very direct.
Eric told of a friend who would walk up to bikers outside a bar and say:
“Hey, How is it going? Have you read your bible today?”
Paul’s Intellectual Approach — Acts 17:15-34
Paul was a thinker. He wrote the awesome book of Romans. He thought through how to present the gospel to Greeks, Jews, Romans, and others in a contextually appropriate way.
His treatment of the Altar to the Unknown God at Athens is a testimony to one who can present a rational case, and debate philiosophers in a way that they want to know more.
CS Lewis might be a modern day example of this. I am not. I have a hard time reading a CS Lewis book beyond the first chapter because it is at such lofty heights that he writes. Yet I know people who came to faith because of a little book called “Mere Christianity.”
Blind Man’s Testimonial Approach — John 9:1-15,25
This man, born blind, could only speak from his experience. He confidently declared: “One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” That’s hard to argue with, isn’t it?
Many folk can only talk about the radical change in the life that has happened since they started following Jesus. They may not have the boldness like Peter, or the intellect to defend the rationality of faith like Paul, but what you have is a testimony of a changed life.
You may not know all that you believe, but your life has been transformed and it’s worth talking about.
Matthew’s Relational Approach — Luke 5:27-29
Instead of inviting people to church right off the bat, Matthew invited fellow tax collectors and sinners to his home.
Do you enjoy having people into your home, sharing a meal, and spending time in conversation? Many people will never be reached until someone takes the time to build that kind of closeness with them.
He was allowing himself to get close first and spend time outside of “the church.”
Samaritan Women’s Invitational Approach — John 4
When Jesus encountered this woman, and transformed her life, she ran back to town and started inviting people: Come and See.
She immediately went to her town and brought her friends to the well to hear Jesus for themselves. This simple invitation resulted in His staying in their town for two days. Many of these men and women became His followers.
Many people are excited about what God is doing in their church, and in their own life. Instead of feeling confident about sharing their own faith story, they are eager to invite people to their church to see what God is doing and to hear others proclaiming the news.
Come and see, is a great invitation to give.
Dorcas’ Servant approach — Acts 9.
Gifts of Hospitality, the welcoming of strangers, acts of service to those in need are all viable forms of evangelism. Its a tangible way of expressing the love of Jesus.
Closing comments
Eric wrapped up his session with a reminder about how to present the gospel simply using various gospel scripts, such as the bridge illustration, the moral ladder, do vs. done.
Let me ask you this?
What style do you see yourself fitting into best?
Comments (0) Posted on Monday, April 14th, 2008
I wrote the following essay to a friend while I was traveling to a friend’s funeral two years ago. It covers several points around what is evangelism. Is it more than four points and a prayer?
I’ve edited it slightly for time references and removed some personal matters, but thought I’d share this here. I invite your comments.
Letter to a friend:
This morning, I’m in Cincinnati to attend the funeral of a friend who died of cancer. 18 months ago, a cancerous tumor was found during pregnancy, and my friend had the choice – whose life to save. She chose her daughter’s. Her daughter was born 18 months ago, and Tuesday, the mom died. 35 years old. No insurance, no money for treatment, they simply let the cancer run its course. The funeral is in about 3 hours from now . . . . 
Last night, I also caught up with a friend from Middle School whom I’ve stayed in touch with. She lives in Cincinnati with her husband and 6 year old daughter. It’s because of her that I became a Christian. Twenty years ago, she got sick with mono and I found faith in Christ because she wasn’t around to distract me.
She and her husband have recently returned to the kingdom of God about 1 year ago thru the Alpha course at the Cincinnati vineyard, where they have joined and are actively involved in servant evangelism. We had dinner together with her family and had a few moments to thank God for bringing each of us faith in his son Jesus. My friend has a storied history of [only] God knows what else, but she has found healing in Christ. She has been made whole, and new. Has a loving husband and a miracle baby who died during delivery but was resuscitated after the emergency C-Section.
Moving Towards Redemption
God has woven these individual stories together (my middle school friend, my dead friend). Our stories have intersected over the years, but have all been moving in the direction of redemption.
My friend’s husband will grow in his “fatherness” for his 3 daughters under the age of 5. He’ll have to rely on the Lord and will become a great reflection of the Father’s love. The community that surrounds him will demonstrate the power of Christian community – the way it’s supposed to be. – loving one another as a demonstration of God’s love.
My middle school friend is continuing to find joy in serving the kingdom. Her marriage was threatened last year, but now with a bedrock of faith, they came thru it. She told me last night, that had it not been for God and the community of faith, she would have been divorced by now, likely drunk, and drugged, and unemployed. They have come thru it – husband stuck by her side — and will become a source of faith for their 6 year old daughter. Husband and wife come from broken households, yet they will not pass that along for their daughter. God is redeeming them and breaking the cycle 
for a new generation.
“Life is pain, your highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something” – Princess Bride.
Hope in Suffering
I’m more convinced than ever that life apart from faith in God’s grace would be an unbearable way to endure suffering.
Yet I am also convinced that God is not a spiritual placebo. He’s not the tooth fairy or Peter Pan, or just an imaginary friend we create to endure. I am convinced of this because I can point to my relationship with Him. It’s 20 years of mystery (march of ‘85), but rock solid certainty. My experiences develop my trust so that in the midst of suffering, I can still trust him.
This mysterious trust is as strong as the covenant of my marriage.
There is no doubt that I will cling to him, and He to me. God is real – there is no doubt in my mind. I can’t explain it. I feel it. I can’t defend God’s existence other than “I just know.” There is a witness in me that declares “Abba Father.” This is the mystery of Christianity – the security of knowing that I belong to Him, even in my struggles, and today, my grief.
My dead friend, lying in the casket this day, knew Him, and is indeed rejoicing in the presence of angels.
God is relevant
Defending or explaining Christianity in this culture is not a matter of bullet point proposition.
It’s a matter of mystery, relevance, and personal story.
While it’s true that we need propositions to explain our belief, the propositions describe reality that we discover and find the bible describes reality.
Witness is more than just proclaiming four points out of a tract. Our storytelling has to demonstrate our own personal discovery.
Evangelism today has to tell the current story – what is God doing today that makes the gospel good news.
What is God doing in my life right now that helps me through my friend’s death, my friends new life in Christ, and when I walk thru the weight loosing anxiety of a bad real estate decision? These are current stories – new stories of God at work in my life. This makes the gospel good news.
Current stories hit at the issue of relevant. Is God relevant today? A band called Live once sang “I heard about this man Jesus, but what a man who lived 2000 years ago means to me today, I don’t know” Not an exact quote, but close enough.
Is God Relevant?
What I see as I engage people in spiritual conversation is the buried question – Is God relevant. The church has been so marginalized by our culture, that we truly live with an unchurched generation.
“The church is not relevant, so God must not be.”
Yet, upon further examination, people play with crystals and stare at the stars and listen to rivers and read tea leaves because they are so alone – alone in the cosmic sense – a speck of microscopic dust in the universe, as insignificant as a water molecule rushing through the Grand Canyon.
There is still a longing for God deep in the heart. The heart knows that God is relevant, the heart yearns to be in touch with God, the heart knows there is a brokenness between itself and God that needs to be reconciled.
Yet God doesn’t have call-in radio show nor is he Dr. Phil. But the message from the church has not been clear.
The proclaimers of the message that have made it cloudy with confusion, cliché driven trendy spirituality, and the absurdity of the prosperity gospel on TV – get rich with God. Most recently, pronouncements by people like Dobson, Falwell, and Robertson about evangelical power and influence have only smothered people’s spiritual quest as a reaction to not be like them.
They don’t want to be Republican, just be in touch with God, yet God’s messengers create frothy cloudiness.
Is a four point Gospel script enough?
I wonder if we need to wrestle with the question: “What is evangelism?” 
The “modern” way is to lay out four points – to make a logical bullet point presentation and ask for a rational decision.
The “post modern way” is to help people along in the next step of their spiritual journey, recognizing that belief is discovered.
There are other twists to the question, but I think it’s one that is worth asking.
There are times for four points and a prayer. There are many times when its not.
Is the goal of evangelism
- conversion (a rational agreement to a set of statements), or
- discipleship (following the way of Jesus – whether beginning, discovering, or continuing).
I probably even make these contrasts too cut and dry.
The Way of the Master
Evangelism as has been taught over the years has been four points and a decision.
Yet Jesus never seemed to lay out four points. He didn’t give four points to the fisherman and his partners – just a radical command to come and follow.
As I look in the gospels, I seem Jesus telling stories that leave people thinking. “What happened to the older son who was jealous about the younger son’s return” (Luke 15)? The story begs self-examination, leaves the hearer with a tension – “Who am I like?” The self-examination leads a person to spiritual discovery.
I see him asking questions of the heart as in the story of the Good Samaritan, or talking with the woman at the well.
I see him forgiving people.
A prostitute who hears “come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest” finds forgiveness and anoints the feet of Jesus with perfume and her tears. She was forgiven much, she loves much. So much that she breaks all sorts of social protocol and wrecks someone’s dinner.
To a woman caught in adultery – Who condemns you, neither do I. To a teenager broken over sex outside of marriage – there is hope in that story that she can be restored to God.
I see him seeking after people, Zacchaeus in a tree. With a little sanctified imagination, I can imagine that Matthew was at that dinner as well, a life transformed as a witness to Zacchaeus.
The four points we typically outline are not recorded in any whole outline in the teachings of Jesus. He invites people to come and see, come and follow.
Peter struggled with his faith all thru the gospel of Mark and didn’t seem to fully comprehend it till Paul rebuked him (Galatians). In Acts, he comprehends some of it, but even with his visit to Cornelius, he still had discovered all the implications of following Jesus.
This seems to me to be the language of storytelling, discovery, self-examination, and following without fully understanding.
I wonder how we as Christians can recapture that sense of invitation: “come and see this man” (Samaritan), “Come and see” (Nathaniel), “Come unto Me” (Jesus). How as a church can we create that place where people can investigate, explore, and discover?
What is evangelism?
I come back to the central question – do we need to wrestle with “what is evangelism?”
Some methodologies try to convince someone they are a sinner, convince someone they need forgiveness, and convince them thru proof-texts that Jesus can forgive them if they pray to him. Sometimes it seems like we are a talking infomercial for God. “All this, not for 19.95, but for free, but wait, there’s more . .. “
Is evangelism conversations or conversion?
Do we count conversions, or count conversations – for those who need to count something?
What is evangelism, more particularly, in the power of the Holy Spirit – to re-anchor the question.
What form does listening evangelism take in my life, in yours, in the people we will have the privilege of being with next month?
For me, it is clearly listening to the Holy Spirit, for the right question or the right story that will lead to self-examination. As you heard me say before, it’s the question that creates spiritual dry mouth – and a self-propelled quest to answer that thirst. It’s engaging people in spiritual conversation and listening to the Holy Spirit for the right question. Some may consider this similar to counseling – asking questions.
One man told me that I was acting like a pastor to prodigals by doing evangelism this way. Perhaps.
Maybe this is why God has enabled me to engage in the culture so much. I see the eternal questions being asked in music, in film. Using such visual parables enables me to ask questions of the heart.
Two different stories
Just this week, the dental assistant told me that it feels good to help people. I asked her “Why?” No immediate answer, but enough to have her reflect. She’s unchurched, and so unchurched, she didn’t know why people had black spots on their heads last Wednesday [for Ash Wednesday].
The woman who cut my hair yesterday told me that she follows a principle that she discovered in a book, a true-crime novel about a deranged preacher who murdered his family (or something like that). She think that “something good always comes back to you from the bizarrest of circumstances. You’ll find the right way if you are true.” I asked here where she got that belief and she told me it came from such a book. She’s looking for guidance in her life and she’s seeking after a true-crime novel for guidance.
Evangelism is . . .
I bet that if we had 100 people, we’d have one hundred definitions of evangelism. I recently heard one say to me
“Evangelism is finding the Presbyterians in my neighborhood.”
Well meaning perhaps, but that’s only an egg hunt for the right colored egg.
Evangelism is more than telling your testimony of faith.
It’s more than proclaiming a set of propositions.
But how do we say it’s more than proclaiming and persuading?
End of story
Let me ask you this
How do you describe evangelism?
Is it more than proposition, is it more than persuading and or proclaiming?
Comments (1) Posted on Thursday, January 10th, 2008
Dr. Bill Tenny-Brittain is the Senior Editor of Net Results and a Senior Consultant with Easum, Bandy, & Associates.
