Perhaps you’ve spent time sharing your faith (maybe a few years) by

• Developing authentic relationships with non-believers
• Faith sharing conversations over dinner
• Answering difficult questions

Yet, they never seem to get the faith you share with them.

Years of faith sharing with little results

Some of you probably have encountered this.

I know I have.

There are people in my life that no matter how much I share my faith, they remain apart from Christ.

As an evangelist, that’s hard.

I remember one person with whom I shared my faith with for four years.  Nothing.

Apostle Paul shared his faith with the same person for two years!

At the end of Acts 23, the apostle Paul was sent to Felix, the governor. Felix had Paul guarded in Herod’s palace (Acts 23: 35) until he had the chance to hear Paul himself (Acts 24).

After the hearing, Felix gave Paul some ”freedom and permit his friends to take care of his needs” (24:23)

Felix had some level of spiritual curiosity, and some working knowledge about the followers of Jesus (Acts 24:22), even if it was only on a political level as the movement of Christianity spread.

Several days later Felix came with his wife Drusilla, who was Jewish. He sent for Paul and listened to him as he spoke about faith in Christ Jesus. (v24)

Paul and Felix discussed Jesus and what it means to follow Jesus.

 25 As Paul talked about righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, “That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.”

I can imagine that Felix even experienced the convicting work of the Holy Spirit in some of those conversations.  Even if there were some hidden motives for hearing Paul (like bribery – v. 26), Felix still got to hear of Jesus and the implications of being a disciple of Christ.

These faith sharing conversations went on for the next two years (v.27).

Even though Paul was a prisoner, it’s hard not to imagine that a friendship developed, or at least a level of mutual respect between these two men as Paul shared his faith.

We can speculate some of the relationship dynamics that changed over the course of the next two years.

Two years of faith sharing, no immediate fruit

I can imagine (and this is santicified imagination) Paul doing the following

• Praying for Felix on a regular basis.
• Asking God for how to talk with Felix.
• Waiting for God to open the heart of Felix to respond.
• Frustration when Felix cuts the conversation short when it gets personal.
• Rejoicing when questions were answered to the satisfaction of Felix
• Celebrating the apparent progress Felix was making on the journey to faith.

Yet Felix was appointed somewhere else and was no longer in Paul’s life.  The end of the road together had come.

Two years, Felix and Paul talked about Christianity, salvation, following Jesus, etc, yet Felix still walked away without having surrendered his life to Christ.  I would imagine author Luke would have reported on Felix’s conversion if it had happened.

Sharing faith without results?

Perhaps you are in a similar situation of sharing your faith with someone who seems to have spiritual curiosity, but just won’t surrender.

Like Felix, they keep cutting the faith conversation short when it gets personal.

They simply avoid the hard questions of surrender.

What can we do?

1.  Don’t give up.

Keep praying for your friend.

Keep spending time with them.

Enjoy life together.

Keep sharing your faith and answering their questions.  They are on a spiritual journey

They are your friend, not your evangelistic project, so keep the relationship authentic.

2.  Trust God’s sovereignty.

I’ve heard testimony from people who have come to faith 15 years after I shared with them.

Remember the friend I shared my faith with for nearly 4 years without success?

Fifteen years later, she tells me she became a Christian.  Those seeds I planted produced a harvest.

God can keep the story going, even if you are no longer in the picture.

Imagine, you are at the beach with a friend, talking about life.

The rhythm of the crashing waves, the cry of seagulls, and the breeze creates a relaxing setting where the the conversation takes a deeply spiritual turn.

The spontaneous conversation begins to go deep about some personal issue and it’s clear that

your friend is confessing a deep sense of purpose seeking.

The search for purpose is a spiritual thirst that opens up natural faith sharing opportunities.

The Best Gospel Conversations Are Never Planned

Now this doesn’t happen to me all the time.

But perfect opportunities to share your faith occur spontaneously in naturally reflective settings like gazing over the vast ocean at the beach

Conversations to share your faith like this are never planned ahead.

It’s never organized on my calendar.

It is never at a scripted moment (unless one manipulates the conversation).

Rather, opportunities to share your faith and point people to Jesus are surprise impromptu events in life that catch us off guard.

Are you ready to share your faith?

Remember the story of Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch from Acts 8?

Philip didn’t suffer from paralysis when given the opportunity to share his faith.  He didn’t hide behind fears, or pawn the evangelistic task off to somebody else.

Rather, he was ready to share his faith – which gave him the confidence he needed.

Acts 8:26-40 reads:

26 Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.”

27 So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian t eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of the Kandake (which means “queen of the Ethiopians”). This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship, 28 and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the Book of Isaiah the prophet.

29 The Spirit told Philip, “Go to that chariot and stay near it.”

30 Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. “Do you understand what you are reading?” Philip asked.

31 “How can I,” he said, “unless someone explains it to me?” So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.

. . . .
34 The eunuch asked Philip, “Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?”

35 Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus.  (NIV, 2011, Acts 8:26-35)

How Philip was ready to share with the Ethiopian Official

1.  Philip recognized the Lord’s prompting

Phillip had been directed by the Lord to go on a scavenger hunt.

“Go to the south road, the desert road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.”

He had an angelic visitation to give him this guidance, which many of us don’t ever get, but notice the second prompting.

The Spirit told Philip, “Go to that chariot and stay near it.” (NIV,v.29 )

The key is that Phillip noticed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to stand next to “THAT” Chariot.  God underlined the chariot and Phillip positioned himself.

Phillip was ready to share his faith because he had a personal relationship with the Lord where he cultivated the skill of recognizing the evangelistic prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Phillip was ready to share his faith because he was spiritually prepared.

2.  Philip knew the Good News about Jesus

Philip was prepared ahead of time for the conversation.

Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus.  (NIV 8:35)

He may not have memorized a gospel script like the Bridge Illustration, but he was ready to share the good news.

Phillip was ready to share his faith because he knew the gospel story.  Phillip knew how to share, and even more so, how to share the story well.

Phillip was ready to share his faith because he was prepared with a message.

Develop 2 skills to share your faith

There are certainly more than 2 areas, but these two are foundational to the model of personal evangelism that I teach in the Fear Free Evangelism Seminar (CD SET, available on 5 CDs).

1.  Develop a vibrant personal spiritual life.

In order to be effective at personal evangelism, we need to be nurturing that relationship with Christ.

We do that through

• through our regular devotional time
• spending time in the Word of God
• spending time in prayer
• spending time giving, serving, and attending church
• growing in the community of faith,
• giving ourselves away in the community service programs of our church.

All of these things serve and nurture that vibrant relationship with Jesus.

This helps us to

• recognize the voice of the Lord when we are prompted.
• Be sensitive to those God given kairos moments.

You’ve got to have personal experience with God through Jesus Christ. You’ve got to be growing in that.

Coaching step:

What steps can you take this week to deepen your relationship with God?

2.  Know a version of the gospel story

I recently read Trevin Wax’s book, Counterfeit Gospels.  (Read my review of Counterfeit Gospels)

It’s a good theological study on various different gospel versions that are out there.

He reminds us that we need to know not only the gospel announcement, but the whole story.

My advice here is to find one of the gospel scripts and master it.

Be prepared to share your faith by mastering ahead of time a version of the gospel story.  Read about the purpose of evangelism training

Coaching Steps:

What version of the gospel story have you mastered?

I develop this further in this article: How to use a gospel script, along with links to various gospel scripts.

This was a question my neighbor asks while we visit at the poolside on a spring day.

While our kids are splashing, shouting, screaming, laughing and diving into the water, my friend talks with me about deep issues of the heart.

How did we get to this point?

1.  He is my friend.

We laugh and talk about life over a cup of coffee.  Our kids play together.

We also have a history of sharing concerns and preoccupations.

In other words, we are friends.

We are friends who share life together.  He is not my evangelistic project.

I know that sharing faith in the context of genuine friendships has the deepest impact in making life change.

2.  We pray for them.

As a habit, we have regularly prayed for them as well as all of our neighbors.

We pray specifically that they would experience spiritual thirst and that God would give us the eyes to see those conversational opportunities.

I was sensitive and alert to the moment when his thirst was expressed in the form of his question.

I know that sharing faith will not happen unless we have prepared the way in prayer.

3.  Our faith is visible

Our faith is visible without being obnoxious.

For example, we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries together.  They’ve given us permission to publically pray with them at such events.

We invite them to church on a regular basis, as well as to other church gatherings like picnics and community service opportunities.

We share how we do family devotions as parents, talk about the Bible with our kids, and testimonies to how God answers our prayers.  Our faith is not hidden as private matter behind close doors.  It’s part of who we are.

Our faith is visible and open for examination.  Sharing faith is not revealing a secret about who we really are.

Sharing Faith is easy in the security of relationship

It was easy to share my faith that day at the pool side.

In the security of a authentic friendship, he felt comfortable asking me a deeply spiritual question.

Because we had been walking together in life for several months, I had earned the credibility to potentially speak into his life.

This day at the poolside, he gave me permission to share my faith, particularly about his question on forgiveness.

I shared my faith in Jesus, how I encountered forgiveness in Jesus, and how I knew that I had been reconciled to God.

It wasn’t a scripted monologue, but a two way conversation between friends about my faith and his search for forgiveness.

At the end, his last question was

“How can I have this like you have it?”

That day, after hearing the good news, he asked God to forgive him.

An opening in a conversation when a non Christian expresses their spiritual insight, or opens up about some restlessness in their heart.

Then well-meaning Christians become a one-way torrent of gospel information about what a person needs to believe and why other religions are wrong.

Or maybe you’ve seen this:

Your small group has two first time guests who have come to check out a little more about Christianity, but a well meaning Christian tries to get them saved the first night by explaining the need to be washed in the blood of the lamb to satisfy the wrath of a God who hates sin.

These are conversation killers.

These are spiritual thirst killers.  The tender shoot is growing forth and just got squashed.

I’ve seen it in small groups I’ve been a part of, conversations that I’ve learned from, and mistakes that I have made.

How not to kill spiritual thirst.

When a person first opens up to their spiritual need, it’s the time to have a genuine spiritual conversation about their struggles and questions.

Allow God room to work in the life of the person with whom you are talking – we don’t have to rush the process, we are invited to help it along.

1.  Love means you listen

Listening shows love.   Impatiently spewing forth doctrinal truth to correct their mis-beliefs does not.

If someone has become vulnerable enough to freely talk about their spiritual thirst, or even share their current beliefs about life, death, or other spiritual themes, you need to listen.

In small group gatherings, love means listen to the beliefs and opinions of all who express them.  It’s important to listen to their story, not think about your own or how you need to correct them.

In personal conversation, love means listen to your friend and understand them.

Tolerance is not approval, but giving space to people to express their views even if we disagree.  There is a time to engage in critique, but not at the first glimpse.

2.  Love means you ask great questions

Asking great questions invites your conversational partner to express their opinions and beliefs.  Asking questions invites further conversation, further sharing, and further insight into people.

Good questions uncover the truth about what people really think, and they create the opportunity to share life and truth together.

I like to follow my curiosity when people express something I don’t understand:

• How does that comfort you?
• How did you discover that?
• How does that happen?

I also like to follow my curiosity about where beliefs might cause internal conflict:

• Does that answer all your questions?
• Where do you wish you had more answers?
• Can you elaborate on that?
• How is it working for you?
• How does your position X work with your conviction Y?
• How does that satisfy the longing that I hear you express?

Drilling down with “how” questions, without it being an interrogation, allows a conversation to grow deep, and creates the safety and security between you to allow for the formation of new ideas.

Don’t kill spiritual thirst, water it.

Rather than squashing spiritual thirst in my enthusiasm to share the gospel, I listen and  use questions to help the spiritual conversation along.

I call this watering – nurturing a spiritual journey to Jesus.

I trust in the sovereignty of God to be at work.

By giving space for small group visitors or my friends to express their beliefs or even disagreements about Christianity, I eventually earn the right to express my belief and engage them in meaningful and safe discussions.

I get the chance to answer questions, shape ideas, and help a person in their discovery of Jesus.  But only after helping them feel safe talking with me.

I’ve had deeply personal conversations with strangers, and have led strangers to Christ.

But those conversations were the results of months of spiritual preparation by their friends who were already speaking into their life – I just happened to be a confirming piece of information they were looking for.

Statistics in various studies have shown that the verbal and life witness seen through personal relationships with genuine Christians are what lead new believers.

For example, in Shawn Anderson’s nationwide study in the US (in (Living Dangerously: Seven Keys to Intentional Discipleship), writes

The results revealed that, indeed, individuals were influenced to commit their lives to Jesus by people who modeled Jesus in their lives.

4 Reasons that Relationship Evangelism Works.

As I thought about this, here are 4 reasons why relationships are important in personal evangelism.

1. You’ve got credibility.

From reading unChristian, the Church as an institution doesn’t have a lot of credibility. Your friend might even have a crazy relative or obnoxious friend who is always forcing a Jesus-conversation upon them.

For your friend to become a Christian, they need a credible witness: someone who is normal.

Your friend trusts you and your ideas, even if they don’t agree with you. You’ve built respect in your relationship and that fosters the positive credibility to be a person of influence.

Growth step: In which relationships with non-Christians do you need to improve credibility? What can you do this week to change that?

2. You’ve got visibility.

Over time, people can see what defines your life. Your interests, hobbies, and choices, plus how you respond to circumstances, are visible to your friend.

For example, with my friends, I can talk about

• my calling,
• how I experience God’s provision for our work
• what I’m learning from my devotional life with God.
• how God is at work in the life of our church as people find faith
• knowing the presence of God’s peace in the midst of our challenges.

They see that I choose

• Giving $$ to mission projects that advance the gospel.
• Going to church over cutting the yard on a beautiful Sunday
• Godly ways I raise my children as I get wisdom from God’s word.
• Giving vacation time to foreign missions with my family instead of a week at the beach.

I am comfortable in expressing the spiritual side of my life: my walk with Christ. People hear that I walk with God. They hear current stories of what God is doing in my life.

Growth Step: Can you talk about your spiritual life with Christ? What story God’s activity in your life can you share with a friend?

3. You’ve got accessibility.

When strangers interrupt our life with some agenda they are pushing, we are naturally defensive.

But in your relationships, you’ve got access to speak to deep places.

You’ve got access to hearing their needs, hopes, desires and struggles. They call on you when life throws them a curve ball.

They might share with you how they face financial ruin.

They might share with you how they are headed towards divorce.

In the safety of credible relationships, you’ve got access to their deepest needs when they come to the surface. You’ve got access when they start to talk about their spiritual thirst.

Very rarely will a stranger get that level of access.

Growth Step: What steps can you take this week to deepen your relationships with non-Christians?

4. You’ve got “speakability”.

Within the safety of a trusted relationship you have earned the right to speak freely about faith.   You’ll have earned the right to speak about your friend’s faith.

You’ll have earned the right to speak to their spiritual thirst when you hear it.

And this conversation may not be just at one time, but over the course of several conversations spread out over time.

The people that I have most influenced for the kingdom of God are people who allowed me to speak into their life over a season of time.

I’ve been able to ask about their beliefs, talk intelligently about them, and even disagree without being obnoxious about it.

Growth step: Have you heard your friend speak about their spiritual restlessness?  Pray that the Lord gives you a chance to speak into that.

We can talk freely with our friends about many subjects, but are at a loss when we want to bridge the gap between everyday life and the Lord.

What does driving to work every morning or playing golf or washing the dishes or changing the baby have to do with our spiritual lives?

The tension here is between manipulating a conversation vs raising curiosity for authentic spiritual discussion.

If evangelism is your ulterior motive for having this conversation, then your conversation will be manipulative because you are wanting to control it to get to your point.

The following suggestions are adapted from Evangelism for the Fainthearted by Floyd Schneider, copyright (c) 2000.

The process for spiritual conversation:

1. Pray.

Ask the Lord to guide your thoughts and comments as you approach a person.

Ask Him to work in your friend.

It is God who does the work. You just have to begin the process.

2. Surface talk.

This level of conversation is the perfect starting place for an evangelistic conversation.

Talk about the weather, the slow service in the shop, the Little League game, sports, etc.

Mention something that opens your life up just a little. Then, casually ask the acquaintance about that same area of his or her life.

Example:  Have you lived here long? Be sure that you really listen to what the person has to say.

3. Personal talk.

You will never run out of things to talk about: ask questions about the person’s birthplace, hometown family, education, work, vacations, retirement, interests, and hobbies.

Once a subject has been mentioned, ask a question about it.

Attempt to establish some common interests with the person. Be a good listener and use their name in the conversation. Check their body language to see if the person is comfortable with the direction of the conversation.

4. Religious talk.

The first levels of conversation are pre-evangelism.  They build rapport.

Don’t assume that a stranger or acquaintance doesn’t want to talk about religious things. Even atheists like talking about their views of God and most people appreciate having someone ask them about themselves and listening to their ideas or their problems in life.

Talk about religion, churches, or church activities. A listening ear may be the very thing that causes a person to seek God.

Example: “On weekends we usually go hiking on Saturday, then we eat out in a restaurant after church. Do you attend church?”

If the friend is not interested at this time, retreat to step three. Don’t push the gospel on anyone. Don’t feel guilty or become discouraged and quit witnessing altogether. Leave the results to God.

5. Spiritual talk.

Ask yourself, Does this person’s actions and attitudes indicate that he or she wants to talk about spiritual things? If you sense an openness after the religious talk, you can do several things:

• Invite him or her to visit your church. Be sure to meet at the door and sit together.
• Talk about what Christ has done for you. Keep your story simple or just share a few incidents.
• Ask the person two questions: If you were to die today, could you say for certain that you will go to heaven?  Why should God let you into His heaven?
• Share the gospel with him or her. Keep the message as simple as possible.
• Give a religious book that has a message of hope and get together in a few weeks to discuss it.
• If the friend is not seeking at this time, retreat to step four.

Order your copy of Evangelism for the Fainthearted by Floyd Schneider from Amazon (affiliate link).

From the back cover:

“a book about breaking free from a spiritually weak life to achieve the consistently powerful one that is available to every believer.

It’s a Bible Study 101 that guides reader to a greater revelation of God.”

Summary of Beyond Belief

The 66-page book is a simple explanation of basic Christian belief and it’s relevance to life today.  The chapters are short, with related Scriptures listed at the end of each.

It uses the basic gospel script of the sharing the Law and then the Gospel.

It covers other basic points such as the authority of Scripture, sovereignty of God, the person and work of the Holy Spirit, prayer, and so forth.

His goal within each chapter seems to want to build a case that the best spiritual life is one centered in a relationship with Christ.

In Chapter 9, he offers a roadmap on how to begin your spiritual life by inviting Christ into your heart.

Yielding to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life, available only to those who have received Christ as Savior and Lord, will change your life today, not just for eternity.

Chapter 1 is available for free online at Beyond Belief Book.

My take on Beyond Belief

Worldview Assumptions in Beyond Belief

The book can be used as a primer or a review in your basic discipleship work.    It assumes the reader has a biblical worldview and agrees with the authoritativeness of Scripture.

As a tool to use in evangelism, the biggest challenge will be the book’s generous use of Scripture.  The assumption of biblical authority runs through the text.

If the seeker reading the book doesn’t yet share that foundation of biblical authority, the proofs offered in the book may seem circular or insufficient.

They might say –- “the bible says it, ok.  So what?”

(Read about handing biblical illiteracy here under the header Seeds already planted)

To use Beyond Belief as a pre-Christian evangelism tool in small groups, the small group leader should be aware of how to handle alternative worldviews and help the seekers discover biblical authority.

Exclusivity of the Gospel in Beyond Belief

I appreciated the simplicity of how he treats the exclusivity of the gospel, and how he affirms that Jesus is the only way to salvation.   I share that belief so I had no problem with it’s presentation.

For my readers who don’t share that viewpoint, this book may seem too fundamentalist to your liking.

Overall reaction to McElroy’s Beyond Belief

The book is simple, short, and can likely be read in one sitting.

As a small group resource, I can see where it can be useful for those who grew up in a church and left and are reaching a season in their life where they are returning to their Christian roots, where there are still seeds of respect for Biblical authority.

Order your copy of Beyond Belief direct from Amazon.

Buy through the link and we’ll receive a few pennies commission to support our work.

He connected with the local people

When he came to the town, “he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla,” (18:2).  Paul went to see them, and “because he was a tent maker as they were, he stayed and worked with them” (v.3)

Here is an example of relationship building.  They had something in common – tent making, and that formed the basis of their relationship.  They were local, even though they were transplants from another city.

At this point in the story, we do not know if Aquila and/or Priscilla are believers.  We know that eventually they are, because of their role in discipling Apollos when they all meet him for the first time in Ephesus.

I recalled reading about the Luke 10 principles from The Rabbit and the Elephant (see review of The Rabbit and the Elephant).  There, the authors remind us of how Jesus sent out the people ahead of him, to find the “person of peace” and to stay with that person.  We see this pattern in Paul’s work here in Athens.  Aquila and Priscilla were those persons of peace.”

He worked among them

While staying at the house of Aquila and Priscilla, Paul used that as a base for his outreach every Sabbath.  Verse 4 reads “Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks.”

During the rest of the week, Paul was likely making his tents and setting up his business.  Costs were likely low as his lodging was covered, and he wasn’t supporting a family.

He devoted himself full time

Verse 5 reads: “When Silas and Timothy came from Macedonia, Paul devoted himself exclusively to preaching.”  This suggests some possible growth in Paul’s business – either

• Paul had made enough funds from selling tents that he was free, or
• Silas and Timothy took over business operations, or
• Business had grown to the point where a manager was in charge, or
• Aquila and Priscilla were running the business to support Paul (All three go to Ephesus).

Once they arrived, Paul was able to devote himself full time to the ministry of teaching.  As was his pattern, first to the Jews, and then to the Gentiles.  Verse 6 shows his opposition from the Jews, so he setup his teaching base next door.

Paul’s fear

Paul was busy doing good work.  Building relationships, conversing with people, and doing the basics of evangelistic work.  Yet even he was afraid of those who mocked, ridiculed, and opposed him.

The Lord gave Paul a vision one night: “Do not be afraid.”  At first, I thought this was the common greeting of angelic visitors, but as I peered into first Corinthians, I read “I came to you in weakness and with much trembling” (1 Cor 2:3).

Then there is guidance: “For I am with you, . . . .because I have many people in this city.”

Elijah had a similar fear – when he thought he was the only one – the Lord reminded him that there were others.

When one faces that kind of fear in personal evangelism, it can be emotionally draining.  When one thinks of all the other fears that hinder personal evangelism, we have this reminder that Paul faced similar fears.

How did the Lord comfort him?

“keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you”

In other words, God reminded Paul of his presence, and the presence of others in that city who could help him.

If you are a church planter, perhaps one prayer could be “Lord, where are the other people in this city who are called to help us?”

The question that stirs in my mind – what are my fears?

Planting Churches

This missionary work wasn’t setup and funded overnight.

In this case, Paul lives among his initial contacts in Corinth and then sets up and runs his business.  He grows it to the point where he can hand it off, likely using the proceeds to fund his own church planting or missionary activity.

In receiving comfort from God about his fear in the face of rejection, he likely begins to pray, “Lord, where are the other people.”  We see that new relationships develop in the next 18 months while Paul remains:

• Titius Justus, a worshipper of God.
• Crispus, the synagogue ruler and his household.
• Sostehenes, the next synagogue ruler (v.17), who helped write 1 Corinthians (1:1)
• Cloe’s household (1 Cor 1:11)

We can see how the Lord answered Paul’s prayer.

Why are church hospitality committees looking to improve their hospitality ministry in their church by buying my book?

• Fear that a visitor to their church will come a few times and still not feel welcome.
• Fear that a church visitor will be overlooked.
• Fear that a first time church visitors will not welcomed because of the actions of untrained church greeters.
• Fear that their church greeters will be too overzealous and drive visitors away.

Readers find that these fears are calmed somewhat by this practical “how to book.”

In it they find over 60 practical hospitality ideas for new church visitors and how to organize their church hospitality.

Results not guaranteed

You might be thinking – If I buy your book, will I see results?  Yes, but with qualification.

The risk is assuming that the church hospitality ideas found inside this book are a formula that will guarantee the results.

“If I perfect the system, I’ll get the results. .. ”

That’s flawed thinking.

This thinking might work for weight loss, making money on line or fixing your golf swing, but not building your church.

Church’s come in different sizes, shapes, local cultures, and different theological traditions.

Hospitality ideas in the church may works in one place, but the same church hospitality idea may not work in another context.

For example, a personal visit to the home of a first time visitor that Sunday afternoon, unannounced, may still work in some places, but would be considered intrusive in others.

Identifying visitors by making them stand up, wear a visitor badge, or sign a guest book might work in some places, but fail miserably in others.  (By the way, I don’t recommend any of these ideas).

The point is, technique doesn’t automatically build relationship.

The goal is relationship.

The goal of your church hospitality ministry is to facilitate emotional and relational connections with the church family.

The goal of your greeting ministry is to remove easy barriers to making that happen.

Hospitality ministries are one of many pieces – ministry events, small groups, etc — to help that process happen.

Techniques help, but if your congregation isn’t truly friendly to your guests, you still won’t get the result you are looking for — growth.

Think of the goal first.

Then work backwards and ask yourself –

• Does this hospitality practice help or hinder that goal?
• What additional practices can we do to facilitate relational connections with the congregation?

Order your copy of How to Welcome Church Visitors.

The challenger warned me that I could only reach so many people, but if I delegated and empowered, I could lead larger ministries with longer reaches and greater sustainability.  The challenger mentioned that my personal limit of people I could effectively influence was likely around 120-150.  If I could influence leaders, the ministry could grow beyond my personal limits.

One blog I read (ChrisBrogan.com) shares the source behind the social limit of real relationships that a person can maintain.

There’s a theory called Dunbar’s Number that suggests there’s an upper limit to the amount of relationships we can maintain. If you’re interested in networking, this should be an issue. That number, for the record, is 150. 

Source: Beating Dunbars Number | chrisbrogan.com.

Implications for pastors

I know of a church plant that started about nearly 10 years ago.  I checked in on it recently, and the pastor reports that it has plateaued about 125-135 people for the past five years and that the turnover rate is about 45% each year.

New people come in, other people leave after about a year or two.  The net effect is that the congregation has remained numerically stable.

This church is a single pastorate, and the pastor has a leadership style where his hand is in everything.

Pastor sets the direction (with a board of government), pastor runs the small groups, pastor runs the worship service and no ministry gets started without the pastor’s initiative.  Recently pastor split up the small groups into different areas, but he still maintains a pretty tight involvement with the leaders.

Pastor lovingly leads it all.  There is joy in the congregation, no complaints, and for this church this type of leadership functions.  It’s not a dictatorship and pastor is not a control freak.  He gets joy out of being involved.

Now, before you agree with me that this is

• Not healthy, or
• A recipe for burnout or
• Effective in a small church, or
• Leadership style that hinders further growth

let me connect it to the point.

1.  The church will not grow any larger.

If Dunbar’s number holds true, the limit of a single pastor who feels the need to be involved in everything will be about 150.  It seems to me that the congregation has reached the practical end of its growth unless the pastor gives and empowers leadership to raise up their own networks.

2.  Leaders leave because they can’t serve or lead.

This church leadership model does not delegate and empower leadership of other ministry.   It doesn’t effectively raise up others to lead their own network of 150.  Not having a place to serve or contribute their gifts, after a while solid believers leave for a place where they can serve.

This particular congregation is at a moment of stage of church growth.  If it wants to continue its dream of fulfilling its particular calling, one thing that must change is the leadership style.

Implications for Church Planting

I know it’s not as simple as waving a wand to make a solution, but if you are wondering why your church isn’t growing — perhaps you’ve maxed out the social limit of your leaders?

How much leadership can you give away to trusted and respected leaders?

With regards to evangelism training in your church’s DNA, is the pastor in charge of it all, or is that delegated as well to empowered leaders?

One church planting coach that I have gotten to know uses Jethro’s advice to Moses — delegate and empower.  Put people in charges of 50s, 100s, and 1000s.

Implications for Church Visitor Retention Rates

There are practical implications here as well to keeping church visitors in your midst.

In the church I describe, the back door is as big as the front door.

People come and perhaps stay connected for a little while, but without the empowerment to lead and serve in ministries, they may likely take their gifting elsewhere where they are needed.

Your church is working hard at retaining visitors and building connections, but the leadership DNA won’t let it grow.

Coaching corner:

Could this issue — 150 people per pastor — be part of the reason?   Take a look and think about it for a while.

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