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Sphere of Influence 3: Where do you play

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Building New Relationships

(Note: Join us for some practical faith sharing ideas at our upcoming free Webinar with Bill Tenny-Brittian March 26.  Bill’s book Hitchhiker’s Guide To Evangelism is full of more practical relationship building ideas.)

Continuing in our series Building New Relationships, we turn today to the third Sphere of Influence: Where do you play?

Where to playWhere do you play?

Consider the natural relationships you may already have with

  • People you meet at your kid’s sporting events.
  • People you play a sport with.
  • People in your social club (e.g., knitting, reading, bridge, poker)
  • People you consistently see at the same stores you visit.
  • People in your volunteer organizations.

Not always easy

For example, I used to visit a local Dunkin Donuts nearly every weekday morning to have my quiet time.  (No worries, I usually only drank a cup of coffee).

Within a few weeks, I noticed the same group of people meeting and talking for several hours each morning (they arrived before I did, and most left after I did).  The group would ebb and flow as people would visit for a while, then leave to their morning obligations.  But several were there the entire time, nearly every day.

It wasn’t easy to break into this group, rather, they had to let me in.  This is where prayer helped prepare the way.

After a while, they initiated conversation with me, as another regular attender. This led to several new relationships, some of which continue to this day, and some of which have provided some business for us.

Since I have moved to a different city, these folks are not in the course of my life anymore.  I still see a few when I visit and have had the opportunity to talk about my faith and calling with several of them over time.

Parent Teacher Student Organization

A friend of mine serves as volunteer for the school’s PTSO.  This puts her in contact weekly with over 40 other parents, and regular contact with many more.

One purpose for volunteering with this group is to build relationships with other parents that can provide the natural opportunity to talk about faith.  Some of those relationships are getting deep enough to talk about personal things.

This weekend, several of them have registered to attend one of the church’s outreach events.  This event has nothing to do with the PTSO, but the relationships built during the year and prayed over have helped several women to say yes, I’m coming.

Let me ask you this:

Where do you like to spend your non-work social time?

Who among those friends are unchurched?

Who can you be praying for today.

Would you share additional ideas on where you find such relationships outside of your neighborhood and work?


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Spheres of Influence 2: Where do you Work?

This entry is part 2 of 3 in the series Building New Relationships

(Note: Download the MP3 podcast of the  free Webinar with Bill Tenny-Brittian.  Bill’s book Hitchhiker’s Guide To Evangelism is full of more practical relationship building ideas.)

Continuing in our series Building New Relationships, we turn today to the second Sphere of Influence: Where do you work.

In Bill Tenny-Brittian’s Hitchhiker’s Guide To Evangelism he devotes a whole chapter to this one and gives lots of practical relationship building tips.  He writes:

The average North American will spend about 90,000 hours at work before they finally punch-out on the time clock of life.

During that extended time, you and your faith is on display for all to see.

You may be able to fool the church people an hour or two each week, but you can’t fake-out the folks who see you eight hours a day, five days a week, twenty-two days a month—they know you as you really are (scary, huh?). Your workplace is faith’s litmus test.

What can you do in this sphere of influence?

I once worked for 3 years in a corporate office building, one of 6 buildings on the headquarter campus.

About 3 times a week, I saw

  • The same person delivering inter-company mail pushing a cart by my desk.
  • Saw the woman who’s only job was to water the house plants on people’s desks.
  • The same security guard doing their rounds through the complex.
  • The same checkout clerk in the cafeteria.

Think about your

  • Clients
  • Vendors who visit you regularly
  • Immediate Co-workers (boss, people you supervise)
  • Other co-workers that you regularly interact with
  • Custodial staff
  • Mail delivery person.
  • Cafeteria Staff

Which of connections can you develop a little deeper today?  Who doesn’t go to church or have a faith?

Take a moment today to pray and ask the Lord to show you who he is underlining for you to intentionally develop a deeper relationship.

What about pastors?

I was in the pastorate for 11-12 years.  The biggest challenge to pastors is spending too much time in the office, surrounding by your church-going employees and visiting with congregation members who come to see you.

The unchurched do not hang out at church.

  • Clearly set office hours clearly when you are available to meet with members and keep those boundaries.
  • Do your praying, sermon writing and reading outside of the office.
  • Hold meetings in restaurants, bookstores, or cafe’s.
  • Do your writing at a bookstore or coffee shop.
  • Meet your parishioners in a coffee shop (if it’s not for pastoral counseling).
  • Become a regular at some particular places and pretty soon, people will start talking with you.

Starbucks and Barnes and Noble became my second office.  Didn’t take but a few weeks before strangers and staff started talking with me and becoming friends.

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Sphere of Influence 1: Where do You Live

Picking up from the Last post (Spheres of Influence), here is one example of taking a look at where do you live as a sphere of influence:

This example comes from Bill Tenny-Brittian, Hitchhiker’s Guide To Evangelism

Hitchhikers Guide to Evangelism coverSeveral years ago we moved into a planned subdivision that hosts over 5,000 homes.

I was a church planter launching a church in a nearby town and so I was “too busy” to get to know my neighbors.

However, that didn’t stop me from encouraging my flock that they should be busy inviting their friends, relatives, acquaintances, neighbors, and coworkers. And I personally spent a good bit of time in the area near the church doing the same.

But after living in my neighborhood almost two years, the Lord convicted me that I had a nodding acquaintance with only one neighbor and didn’t know the names of any of my neighbors.

I also knew that in my section of the nation there was about a 97 percent chance that each of my neighbors were unchurched. I decided it was well past time to do something.

And so I started praying for opportunities to meet them and I began to make appearances at timely intervals in order to meet those who lived around me.

He goes on to discuss how he connected with one of his neighbors.

(Note: Join us for some practical faith sharing ideas at our upcoming free Webinar with Bill Tenny-Brittian March 26.  Bill’s book Hitchhiker’s Guide To Evangelism is full of more practical relationship building ideas.)

Getting to know my neighbors

From my own life, we began praying for all the families on our cul-de-sac during the 5 years we lived in one subdivision.
Above New Jersey

By the time we moved, we had made friendships with nearly every couple there

  • Opening our house for Bring your own side dish – grilling events.
  • Parties around the Superbowl, Christmas, Memorial and Labor Day.
  • Talking with the neighbors while doing exterior work around the property (mowing the yard, raking leaves, etc).

Eventually, those kinds of friendships opened up to more personal discussions on life and eventually spiritual matters.

At the end of 5 years, no one had come to faith directly as a result of our efforts.

However, within 2 years after we had moved, 3 of the households found faith and started attending church somewhere.

We attribute that to the hours of prayer, hours of relationship building, and hours of deep conversation that occurred while pausing our leaf raking. . .

Getting to know my new neighbors

coral-plazaNow we live in a condo tower.

30 condos.

We have lived here for over 18 months.

The turnover in rentals in the building keeps changing the make up of the residents.

Over the past 6 months, we have gotten to know the family we share a floor with.

We’ve been praying for them, for their needs, and doing life with them.  Going to the beach as families, celebrating birthdays, kids playing together.    Simply doing life together.

The friendship is deep now, and the struggles of life are beginning to be shared.  We have liberty to share what God is doing in our life, how we are aware of God’s presence in our midst, and how God is providing for our needs.

While we have not prayed with them for their needs, we certainly are praying for them.  With each passing week, more relational bonds are built between our families.

Our faith has been on display: praying for our kids during birthday celebrations, grace at meals, inviting our neighbors to church, our small group.  Their son occasionally comes with us, and even attended a vacation Bible school with our kids.

He talks with my son about who is the Lord and why are we living where we do.

The curiosity of our family practices begins to raise questions and provide opportunity to talk about the relevance of our faith to our daily life.

  • Why do we invest our time in church?
  • What does the Bible say about parenting?
  • What does “Honor thy father and mother” look like?
  • How to we still have peace in our heart when life hurts?
  • Why do your kids have such a servant’s heart that my kids don’t?

These are natural conversations that are occurring and give us ample opportunity to demonstrate the relevance of our faith to life.

Our neighbors are on a journey towards Christ.   We walk this path with them because we took the time to get to know them.

Coaching Corner

With whom do you live?

Not just your immediate family members, but consider your neighbors.

Who might the Lord be calling you to be praying for and get to know better?

Take 5 minutes today and in quiet prayer, simply ask the Lord to underline someone for you.

What next steps will you take?


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Drifting Away from the World

In They like Jesus, but not the Church, even Dan Kimball confesses that he made the same discovery at one point– no non-Christian relationships.

As I have given relational evangelism training seminars around the US and Latin America, the most common confession I hear from those who have walked with Christ for many years

I don’t have any unchurched friends.

The gradual change

For those with an adult conversion experience, they often notice that when they first come to faith, they have a lot of connections with unreached or unchurched people.

As their worldview changes with their new found faith, new relationships form in the church, values change, and social networks change.  It’s a natural process and one that is actually very helpful for discipleship.

Solitary Rowboat in Digby, NS

It’s a drifting away from the world.

But the obvious downside is that one may forget to maintain the prior relationships and is suddenly in the cocoon of

Doing church — committee meetings, bible studies, and other volunteer activities.

Busy life transitions — various seasons of life have time commitments that minimize our ability to preserve friendships.  The constant rush from one activity to the next.  Example: young kids growing older often leads to more extra activity to keep up with sports, music, or other clubs.  Parents move to chaperone and

Isolation through Technology — using computers, cell phones, iPods and iPhones, we connect with those we want to, no longer taking the time to even notice the people around us.  I notice this more and more when I’m in American airports watching people while waiting for my next flight.

The cocoon forms.

It’s natural and happens with nearly everyone.

Pastors included

When I was pastoring a local church, I found myself spending way too much time in the office — surrounded by church people, called by church people, and calling on church people for visitation.

My time not in the office was spent in the car shuffling family members from event to event, or doing supply runs for church events.

I eventually left that routine — to get out of the Christian Bubble.

If you are a pastor – where do you connect with unchurched or unreached people on a regular basis?

If you are not a pastor — what can you do to help your pastor spend time with unchurched or unreached people?

Let me ask you this:

Did you do the exercise in the prior entry Do you have any non-Christian Friendships?

If you have found yourself in the cocoon, how did it form in your life?

What steps can you take this week to get out?

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Do you have any non-Christian Friendships?

Alien cocoon!

(HT: Image pslim)

“I have no non-Christian relationships” confessed one of my evangelism coaching clients (shared with permission).

“I was taking an inventory of my personal relationships and discovered that I had surrounded myself entirely with Christians.”

In the Christian Cocoon

This is a common description of many Christians who have been walking with the Lord for many years.

I once asked a church where I was preaching: Where are the new believers? They realized they didn’t have any non-Christian relationships.

I recently did a evangelism workshop on personal evangelism with nearly 80 people in attendance and all had known the Lord for at least 15 or more years.

In my experience, I could easily guess that many of these, if not all, would confess the same lack of relationships with people who do not walk with the Lord.

A Christian without an unchurched friend is like a dash of salt in the ocean: it doesn’t do anyone any good and, frankly, no one even knows it’s there. — Bill Tenny-Brittian, Hitchhiker’s Guide To Evangelism

Practical Exercise

Let’s take a moment to look at your significant relationships.   Think of people you choose to spend time with on somewhat of a regular basis.

Make a list of friends who immediately come to mind.  Try to name as many as possible in the next 60 seconds.

Write those names down.

Now look over the list.

  1. Who goes to church with you? Cross them off this list.
  2. Who attends another church regularly? Cross them off.
  3. Who shows evidence of a relationship with Christ? Cross them off.
  4. Who is left?
  5. Do you have anyone left on the list?

What now?

Where you surprised by the results quick little exercise?

What will you do about it?

If you have  plenty of non-Christian and unchurched friends, what do you do to maintain those relationships?

If you have few such relationships, what will you do this week that can start to change that?

Share your responses in the comments below.

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