It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun was bright, not a cloud in the sky, and our family made a Sunday visit to a local church for the second time.
But my attitude changed the moment a church greeter welcomed me with a hug I didn’t ask for.
He stood in the center of the aisle, blocking my way to the seat. He told me I deserved a hug and then squeezed me to himself, saying “Welcome to our church, I give everyone a hug.”
I didn’t have a chance to say no.
Instantly, I tensed up. My personal space had been invaded by a stranger, and my anticipation for worship dropped ten notches. As I slipped away and found my seat, I realized the rest of the service would have to overcome that awkward first impression.
Coaching takeaway: A greeter’s well-meaning gesture can easily cross a line. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
I’m a Hugger Too, But There’s a Time and Place
Here’s the thing. I enjoy giving and receiving hugs.
In middle school and high school, I was part of a youth group that greeted and departed with hugs.
In college, hugs were routine greeting at social gatherings.
I’ve been involved in three church plants for Spanish speaking immigrants. Hugs and cheek-to-cheek air kisses between men and women are pretty common and normal. I don’t mind them at all. I enjoy them as an expression of fellowship.
I don’t mind being hugged and don’t mind giving them. But here is the criteria: we know each other already and we’ve been introduced.
Quit hugging the first time church visitor.
Every culture has different boundaries, and as greeters, we need to honor that. When meeting new people at church, I set my personal preferences aside. I don’t hug first-time visitors.
Even though hugs don’t bother me, this particular hug on this church visit affected me and soured my mood. This greeting was out of place. That’s it.
It’s just as bad as the space invading church greeter who kissed my wife.
When we visited the same church two weeks later, I had an avoidance reaction when that same greeter tried to stand in my way again as I walked to my seat. I felt my body tense up and back away. I cringed and felt that fight/flight adrenaline rush.
I even made a mental note to use a different entrance next time..
That is not the impression a church wants to leave with their first or second-time visitor.
Coaching Lessons for Your Church Greeter Ministry
Your church greeters affect the first impressions a church visitor will have, so here are two simple lessons as takeaways.
1. Respect Personal Space.
The invasion of personal space can be an unintentional barrier to your first-time guest.
It may be the only thing your guest remembers from their first visit.
Here is a similar Tweet:
Nothing quite ruins my Sunday church experience like the 65-year-old greeter who tries to mouth kiss me every time I go.
2. Train your greeters to set aside their preferences.
If your greeter volunteers object with “I’m a hugger,” remind them that serving guests isn’t about what we prefer. It is about helping newcomers feel safe and welcome. Encourage them to set aside their personal preferences for the comfort of your guests.
My wife once hugged a pre-teen boy when greeting him. As soon as she embraced him, she felt him tense up. This pre-teen kid was a family friend that we’ve known almost since birth, but he didn’t want a hug at all. My wife learned that not everyone wants a hug, a kiss, or even a handshake in a social setting like going into church.
Greeters don’t need to accidentally invade your guest’s personal space because they are a “hugger.”
Set aside your personal preferences for a more normal greeting that is custom to where your church is.
A genuine smile, kind eye contact, and a verbal “We’re glad you’re here” often communicate more welcome than any physical gesture.
A Coaching Reflection
Hospitality is about helping people experience the love of Christ from the moment they step on campus.
That means respecting boundaries, reading cues, and choosing friendliness that fits the guest, not the greeter.
Train and Inspire Your Church Greeters
Equip your greeter team with fresh vision and practical skills through this two-part Church Greeter Training Video Series.
Each one-hour session gives you ready-to-use ideas, role plays, and discussion topics to build confidence and consistency.
Use these recordings to lead meetings, inspire creativity, and strengthen your hospitality culture week after week.
Let me ask you this
When, if ever, do you think it is a good idea to give a hug to a person in church?
Have you experienced something like this?
I invite you to share your advice or experience in the comment field below.
Summer Olympics 2016: 3 Outreach Ideas
As I work in different cultures, the viewpoints on hugs differs with social customs. When I was younger, I would give and receive willingly from anyone, but as I’ve aged, I tend to be more reserved and recognize it as a potential invasion of space.
For greeters and for other hospitality workers, I think it is important to assume a hug is unwelcome and just use that as your practice until such a time as a hug is known to be welcome.
The goal is to help your guests and members feel respsected, not violated.
“I’m a hugger!” My response? “I’m a puncher.” Not even kidding; ask the Free Hugs girl who insisted on hugging me after I pointedly told her no, absolutely not. She went for it and ended up nearly biting her own tongue as I heel-punched her chin. The astonished look on her face was… priceless, and I honestly felt like she deserved it, even though I also felt a little bit guilty, as I’d intended to straight-arm her in the chest to keep her away from me. I think it got the point across much more forcefully, though, that no means no, even if both parties are female. Do. Not. Hug. Me. Now, obviously, I’m not likely to /actually/ punch a church greeter, but saying the words “I am a puncher” might get them to put the brakes on for two seconds, long enough for me to explain that I don’t hug people I don’t know. And no, an introduction is not enough. I have to have known you for quite awhile — at least 8 months — before I’ll consider it. I’ve made rare exceptions for people who asked — and most importantly! — waited for an affirmative response before getting all up in my space. I get that its The House of the Lord and all, but I don’t know you, don’t touch me. I’m most definitely NOT a hugger. Or a toucher. Don’t do that. It’s much too intimate a gesture for someone I don’t know.
I concur about the hugging. One of my additional concerns is the “over-powering handshake.” When I was a little boy, I would at times accompany my father on his bread delivery route. He would remind me, before introducing me to his customers, to always wear a smile and have a firm grip when shaking hands. Now there is a difference between “firm” and “powerful.” One conveys caring, and the other conveys, in my opinion, YOUR need to show your power, or your hunger for affection, to the other person. In other words, it’s more about YOU, than about that person. It is my belief that we need to be alert to modulating our behavior to the person we are greeting. I was a mental health counselor for 35 years, so I am well aware of first (and second and third, etc.) impressions. Studies have shown that communication consists of: 55% nonverbals (like hugging, handshaking, eye contact, personal space, etc.), 38% tone of voice, and only 7% words. To me, showing God’s love by modulating our behavior to the other person’s condition, is most helpful and genuinely empathic. My encouragement to those who greet others–whether it be in church or elsewhere: BE AWARE; THEN MODULATE, MODULATE, MODULATE.