conversation skills Archives

April 21, 2014 by EvangelismCoach 5 Comments

Overcome Your Evangelism Fears: “I don’t know what to say”

Have you experienced that awkward moment when you have a chance to share your faith and you are paralyzed by fear?

I’ll bet you have.

People have all sorts of fears when it comes to personal evangelism. Here are 20 evangelism fears that I run into regularly.

At the top of list in my anecdotal research is this one item:

I don’t know what to say.

How “I don’t know what to say” stops us cold

1. We don’t know all the apologetics.

If you have seen the recent 2014 movie “God is not Dead,” you see a college student in an extreme situation (even if it is hyperbolic exaggeration) where he has to defend his faith in Christ against an atheistic college professor who threatens to flunk him because he is a Christ follower.

In a quick plot development, the student is challenged to present evidence for the existence of God and to do so in front of the class.

I think many Christians would go silent under such pressure.

2. We don’t have the exact words.

This faulty logic stops us dead in our tracks.

I’ve talked with too many scared evangelists that have an idea that the right words said in the right order will produce the right outcome.

This logic assigns some power to words and some power to our eloquence.

It places 100% of the evangelism conversation on the right use of the right words in the right order, as if our words alone result in the renovation of the human heart.

Faith sharing conversations are not formulaic, but we are obsessed with formulas.

There is no right order to words.

There are no “magic” words of persuasion.

There are no “formulas” to perfect evangelism.

3. We don’t have a story filled life of following Jesus.

Tragically, if we are not maintaining our relationship with Christ, we’ll miss out on God’s work in our life.

We’ll not be able to see how God is transforming us.

We’ll not see how God is leading us.

We’ll not see what God is teaching us.

We’ll not see how God is using us.

In fact, without nurturing a private devotional life around following Jesus, our exeperience of our faith goes cold.

We have nothing to say about the relevance of following Jesus to modern life.

You can conquer this fear: “I don’t know what to say.”

Most of the faith related evangelism conversations in the ordinary course of my life happen at random moments rather than planned moments.

If I lived in the fear of not knowing what to say, I would miss all these moments.

Do you think Philip mastered the right words ahead of time before he spoke with the eunuch of Ethiopia?
Do you think Paul mastered the right words for his evangelistic conversations with Felix?
Do you think Peter had a preplanned word order when he unexpectedly talked to Cornelius about Jesus?

We must surrender the idea that properly ordered words or every correct answer to every conceivable objection will lead someone to faith.

Rather, we need to have the confidence of Paul as seen in 1 Corinthians 2:4-5 (NIV)

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

4 Practices to break through the fear: “I don’t know what to say”

In my own personal evangelism experience, the 4 practices below have helped me overcome the fear of “I don’t know what to say.”

These practices seem like they prepare me for most of the surprise evangelistic conversations that I have (like this one). You can be ready to share your faith at any moment.

1. Have current God at work stories, or stories of what God is doing in your life now.

Are you able to tell current stories of God’s activity in your life?

Are you nurturing your devotional life so that God teaches you from his Word?

Are you spending time with Him so that you cultivate the sensitivity to see His Hand at work in your life?

You’ve got to have personal experience with God through Jesus Christ. You’ve got to be growing in that.

Let me give you an example.

Recently, I walked with my friend. One of the discussion items that came up was the current topic of my small group – how do we live out our faith in the “fear of the Lord?”

After all, Proverbs 1:7 says

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

That opened up nearly an hour long two way conversation that dwelt in themes like:

How to develop a relationship with God
What about the people who have never heard the gospel?
“All religions are true” and why that does not make any sense.
How sin affects each person no matter how good they think they are.
How Jesus reconciled us to God so that we might have a relationship with Him.
How many good works does one have to do to secure the blessing of God and earn a spot in heaven.

2. Know your own testimony of how you became a follower of Jesus.

Take the time to explore the richness of your own journey to Jesus.

There were significant moments and key events that helped you own your own faith, or see your need to ask God for the forgivess of sin.

Regularly reviewing and then sharing your testimony will often remind you of the preciousness of Jesus.

You’ll find opportunities to explain why you became a follower of Jesus (like I did while sitting by the poolside)

One challenge to shortening a personal testimony is to get at this core question:

What difference has Jesus made in your life?

Here is a free 7 question download you can use to help plan out your testimony

3. Master a gospel outline.

I recently read Trevin Wax’s book, Counterfeit Gospels. (Read my review of Counterfeit Gospels)

It’s a good theological study on various different gospel versions that are out there.

He reminds us that we need to know not only the gospel announcement, but the whole story.

My advice here is to find one of the gospel scripts and master it.

Be prepared to share your faith by mastering ahead of time a version of the gospel story.

What version of the gospel story have you mastered?

I develop this further in this article: How to use a gospel script, along with links to various gospel scripts.

4. Ask for a pause to do some apologetic research when needed.

When it comes to apologetics and reasoning, it is perfectly find to graciously ask for a pause in the conversation so that you can go and do some reading.

I’ve done that before. I learn more about my own faith when I take the time to do the research needed to develop reasonable answer. The Christian student in “God is not Dead” took the time to investigate and respond to the professor’s challenge and objections.

Rather than obsess and stop over what I don’t know, I’d rather step into an evangelistic conversation and find the answer later.

Sometimes, apologetic objections have a spiritual thirst (read this story) underneath them. It is more important to deal with the spiritual thirst than the actual objection.

Other times, apologetic objections are part of a centuries old debate that you will not solve. While it’s important to have a reason and know the reason for your faith in Christ, some objections remain unsolvable for now.

Get comfortable with that.

Don’t let your inability to answer every possible question stop you from sharing your faith in a conversational manner.

Evangelistic Conversations Are Fun Filled Adventures.

As you talk about your own relationship with Christ with spiritually thirsty people, you will re-discover an element of joy that may have been lost because your devotional life has gone stale.

Evangelistic conversations will renew in a desire to pray for his discovery of Jesus.

Your devotional life perks up once again when get out there and talk with people.

Sometimes, I want to refresh some reading of books on answering objections or evangelistic conversations, such as God Behaving Badly, or Tactics.

Order an Evangelism Training from me

I offer a virtual seminar on personal evangelism training. You can use this as an evangelism training event for your team.

It is travel free, and you can offer it on any night that you choose. If you want this workshop in Spanish, I can do that too.

Read more about how to get your own evangelism training seminar from me.

November 25, 2013 by EvangelismCoach Leave a Comment

How I Handle “Jesus was a Good Teacher”

I have a friend who doesn’t believe in having a personal relationship God, but does believe that Jesus was a good teacher.

My friend, like many people who are not followers of Jesus, hold this view:

Jesus was a good teacher.
His principles are worth following.
He taught was other religions taught.
He was a wise leader whose teachings have changed the world.

My friend hasn’t surrendered his life to God, doesn’t follow Jesus as a Christian.

My friend wants to be a good person. My friend tries to absorb ethical truth from every perspective in order to be a good person. My friend doesn’t want to be a religious fool.

My friend is an agnostic who wants to grow spiritually, but not yet ready to commit to any one religion or God. Rather than hold a position of an atheist who declares “God doesn’t exist,” my friend would hold the position of an agnostic who says “I don’t know.”

My friend has a level of spiritual thirst that has moved beyond intellectual curiosity. This person wants to learn and apply so that personal growth might happen.

Thus, we are having regular conversation about Jesus, about the nature of God, and what it means to be a follower of Jesus. My friend is on a journey towards Jesus and I get the joy of helping my friend discover grace.

I hope you encounter such people on a regular basis and pray for such conversations regularly.

My Friend is on a Spiritual Journey

We have developed a good rapport from being friends and spending time together.

He has moved from a defensive resistance to my Christian faith to an acceptance that my faith is part of my life.

He has moved from that acceptance to a place of curiosity as he sees how I am living out my faith in front of him, while not being overly aggressive at saying he must believe like me.

I’m living out the phases of the spiritual conversation journey that my friend Don Everts describes in his book (I once was lost):

Distrust to trust – trusting a Christian
Complacent to Curious – the shift of spiritual thirst.
Closed to change to open to change – hardest threshold to cross (personal life)
From Meandering to seeking.
The actual conversion to the Kingdom of God (surrender).

I see evidence of my friend being in the 3-4 range of this phase list.

How I talk with my friend

Recently, our conversations have shifted to looking at the teachings of Jesus. After all, my friend wholeheartedly agrees that Jesus was a good teacher.

We’ve started looking at some of the sayings of Jesus:

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. – John 14:6
All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Matthew 28:18
Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters – Matthew 12:30
Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. – John 10:1
I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am he, you will indeed die in your sins – John 8:24

My friend didn’t realize Jesus said these things.

He is beginning to realize that if Jesus spoke truth, then some kind of response is required of him.

He could either

Not agree with it and say that Jesus wasn’t always a good teacher (limit the impact).
Jesus didn’t say those things (question the source)
Agree that Jesus was a good teacher and that Jesus will hold him accountable to these words.

By looking directly at the teachings of Jesus, my friend is getting uncomfortable with his own position. He is realizing his claim that he wasn’t really following the teachings of Jesus if he didn’t believe them.

This dissonance is creating spiritual thirst and a desire to do something about it.

Let me ask you this?

What is your favorite Jesus saying that might give a person pause, like my friend?

Do you want ongoing ideas delivered to your inbox?

Each week, I send out new articles to help you grow your church through personal evangelism, invitations, improving your greeter ministry, and refreshing your vision for church hospitality. I’ll be sharing more of my conversations in upcoming weeks, plus sending out some free evangelism tip videos. You can get word of them here:

August 13, 2013 by EvangelismCoach 2 Comments

Obnoxious Habits in Personal Evangelism – Aggressive Pitches

A freaky thing happened to me today that reminds me of another obnoxious habit in personal evangelism.

I got a phone call today offering to show me how to make $3500 a day, and would I be interested?

I don’t know this person.

The gentleman was polite.

He quickly introduced himself and told me how he found my number. Somehow, a click on his website revealed my identity (scary) and he called me.

He decided I was a potential customer for his life changing product.

Then he proceeded with the opening sentence of his pitch.

From the very first syllable to the last in the 5 minute encounter, the alarm bells were going off in my head. No matter the level of his sincerity, I found myself immediately defensive.

He was interrupting my day. He had stalked me.

He wanted to sell a program I wasn’t even interested in.

He had no credibility at all.

When I told him I wasn’t interested, he was stunned.

Aggressive sales puts people on the defense.

He may have had the greatest program in the world. It would solve my problems if I could make $3500 a day.

If I signed up right there on the spot, I likely would have been excited about hope, and then tomorrow comes, without the $3500.

I was defensive from the start:

He stalked me to locate a number for me when I didn’t give it to him.
He called me to initiate a conversation about his product.
He didn’t ask if I wanted to talk about his issue.
And No, I didn’t want his stuff.

Aggressive Personal Evangelism is just as off putting.

If you’ve ever done contact evangelism, you know that sometimes your gospel presentations are aimed at sharing the greatest news in the world:

Get straight to the point with the right opening question.
Then convince them of their need for Jesus.
Then explain how a decision for Jesus will change their life forever, solving their greatest problem.
Invite them to join your movement with a simple prayer of salvation.
Then leave them to figure out what to do next.

Much of that is done without listening to the person, interrupting their day, ignoring what their real need is, and tapping only their fear of hell.

(Less I be misunderstood, I do teach contact evangelism in partnership with local churches, but in such a way that doesn’t feel like being a salesperson for Jesus — the above comment is laced with cynicism over abusive ways people share the gospel).

Evangelism that is disruptive and not part of an ordinary conversation flow is an obnoxious habit I can do without.

My own Personal Evangelism Teaching

Instead, I want my conversations about Jesus to be with people who really want to talk with me.

I don’t want to create defensiveness. Rather, I want faith sharing conversations to be a normal part of my daily life with people who are truly interested in the conversation.

I have a DVD set (or digital download) that focuses on a conversational style evangelism that would be effective in:

casual conversation between friends
causal conversation between strangers

Learn these principles on personal evangelism, and your faith sharing conversations can become an ordinary part of your life without feeling like you are selling Jesus.

I show you how conversations can be natural and wanted, rather than you putting people on the defensive like this man did today.

June 29, 2013 by EvangelismCoach 6 Comments

10 ways to kickstart your Personal Evangelism this Summer

You can have the joy of introducing a person to Jesus Christ. Watching people awaken to their faith in Christ because of your personal evangelism work is one of the greatest joys you can experience as a Christian.

Yet many pastors and church members often neglect their personal evangelism, sometimes through no fault of their own.

Busy with urgent life matters.
Not really involved in the community.
Compartmentalized faith to a “Sunday activity” or simply a private matter.
Not taking time to develop relationships with people who don’t know the Lord.

Instead of just another post about “you should be sharing your faith,” I thought I’d make something more actionable for you.

I’ve searched my archives and came up with 10 of the best action posts for personal evangelism to help you kickstart your passion to reach people for Christ. [Read more…]

June 18, 2013 by EvangelismCoach Leave a Comment

Book Review: God Behaving Badly

Ever been stumped by:

The God of the Old Testament is of wrath, and the God of the New Testament is Love.
How could God kill two ministers protecting the ark of the covenant.
If God doesn’t change, how does he “relent”?

I was on a bus coming down a Nicaragua mountain after a camp with several young leaders of Young Life Central America.

About half way through the trip, one of the buses had problems, causing our bus to wait for them to make sure they got down safely.

While waiting at an intersection in the middle of nowhere (yet it had a small Fonda to get drinks), I had a chance to talk with several university students who were attending camp for their first year.

One of those potential leaders is still very young in his faith and we began to kick around some of those questions.

How would you answer?

Fortunately, I was ready. I recently picked up a copy of God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist? by David Lamb.

This book is aimed at equipping you to deal with such tough questions. It is one of the best treatments I’ve seen on this subject of difficult questions. Without minimizing the harsh realities of the biblical record, David Lamb unpacks the complexity of the Old Testament to explore the character of God when other object to some of God’s actions.

His biblical scholarship, combined with some down to earth stories, make for a good read that really caused me to think and understand. I remember laughing at many of those stories, and easily seeing myself in many of them.

There are discussion questions after each chapter and some endnotes that include some hilarious side comments that make for a good read.

These questions are ones that Christians ask, like my university student friend. Certainly, they are questions that non-Christians ask.

In each of the chapters, Lamb addresses the major concerns that might come up in your evangelistic conversations. He helps you to better understand the most contested passages about the various topics he covers. Likewise, he often includes a New Testament example that might reflect on the same issue. He finally helps you bridge the context, from the biblical world to where we are today.

Other treatments of these same questions can get deeply academic. I found this book accessible to the common Christian without the need for academic or PhD.

If you want to “be prepared to give a reason,” then make sure you take the time to read this book.

This book helped me:

As I began to share with my university friend the insights I learned from God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist?, I was able to help him clarify the false dichotomy that he was making.

Being equipped to answer his question was the biggest blessing I got out of this book.

The other blessing I got was laughing really hard at his stories.

Order your copy

Order your copy God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist? from Amazon and they’ll give me a few nickels.