They had all the right systems, but we still chose not to return.
That weekend, our family decided to visit a church down the road from my parents’ house.
We had passed it many times and finally had a Sunday free to attend.
The building looked well cared for, the sign was clear, and the website listed service times we could make. Everything about it said, This church knows how to welcome visitors.
Who We Were
We were out-of-town visitors, not part of the denomination or the local community. This was our first time ever in that building and in that tradition.
We went uninvited and knew no one there. No friends, no family, no prior contact—just strangers walking through the doors of a church we hoped would welcome us.
How We Found the Church
The church sits on the main road that leads to my parents’ house. When Sunday came, it felt natural to give it a try.
I looked up their website. It came up first in Google, and the service times were easy to find on the home page. That’s a win for any church website. (See also: Does your church website answer questions for potential visitors?)
As I clicked through, I noticed only one photo of the congregation—everything else was text. The wording leaned heavily on church lingo about “contemporary hymns” and “responding in worship.”
Some links were broken, including one under the “Evangelism” tab.
At least directions and times were visible.
Parking Lot
It was a beautiful Sunday morning. As we pulled in, we were not sure which door to use. The front entrance did not face the lot, and there were no clear signs pointing the way to the entrance.
The visitor parking spaces were empty, so we parked with everyone else.
The building and landscaping were clean and well-kept.
Entering the Church
We followed others to the doors they were entering. An usher held the door and offered a polite handshake, even shared his name. We did the same. It was brief but pleasant.
Inside, the lobby (or narthex) was full of people talking and laughing. Everyone seemed to know one another.
We did not know a soul. Standing in a crowded lobby, surrounded by friendly chatter without connection, stirred some emotion.
Here I noticed my emotions were stirring– we were in a crowded room, not knowing where to go, not knowing a soul. People were around us talking, smiling, and greeting each other, but we were feeling a little insecure in a strange crowded space. We felt small, unsure, and a little awkward. No one spoke to us.
A sign pointed to a “Visitor Table,” but no one was behind it. We looked, hesitated, and moved on.
The Sanctuary
We found our own way in. An usher handed us a program, but only after we interrupted her conversation with friends.
We sat down, wondering if we had taken someone’s usual seat.
Around us, people were friendly—with each other. Smiles, small talk, catching up about family news.
The Service
The music was good—well-led, yet unfamiliar to us. The lyrics were rich in theology and likely fit their tradition well. Still, we did not connect with the music.
The leader said, “Visitors, we welcome you and invite you to stop by the visitor table on your way out for a free gift.” I knew where that table was, but again, no one was there. I remember thinking, Do other visitors even know where that table is?
The sermon was fine. The benediction was sincere.
When the service ended, no one spoke to us.
Post-Service Reception
Coffee was available in the lobby. People gathered in clusters, talking and laughing.
My wife browsed the ministry bulletin board while I scanned the room. No one made eye contact.
We waited for someone to notice us, to ask if we were new, to start a conversation. Nothing.
After a few minutes, we slipped out quietly.
All the Right Systems
On paper, this church had strong hospitality practices:
- Visitor parking near the entrance
- Greeters and ushers
- Clear signage and a welcome table
- Clean, well-maintained facilities
- A website with directions and service times
- Free gifts for first-time visitors
Everything looked right. Yet we still felt invisible and chose not to return. We did not make the next step in the visitor journey – coming back for a second visit.
There was no connection card to fill out, leaving them without a record of our visit or a way to send us any kind of follow-up letter.
Reflections on a First-Time Visit
As we drove away, my wife and I both commented on how strong the social circles were. It looked like a congregation with deep relationships—just closed ones. It would take an extrovert to break through that wall.
Though they said twice during the service that they were glad to have visitors, it seemed like no one acted like it. People around us talked over us to others they knew.
My wife said, “I like it when a pastor says, ‘Take a moment and greet someone you don’t know.’ It may be brief, but at least it acknowledges you are there.”
Maybe the goal was to let visitors stay anonymous until they made themselves known—park in the visitor spot, sign the card, or approach the table. But we were never noticed. No one knew we had been there. We left as invisible as we arrived.
How Could This Happen?
Later I found myself asking: How could a church have all the right techniques and still fail to welcome?
It was not a lack of knowledge. They clearly knew what good hospitality looks like. The structure was there. The systems were running. They have a lot of what I and other hospitality coaches teach.
But something was missing.
What they lacked was a shared vision for a great welcome—a sense of purpose that runs deeper than checklists and duties. Without that vision, volunteers go through motions instead of ministry.
What Could Have Been Done
Every hospitality system they had was correct, but systems cannot replace vision. Without a clear vision for welcoming people, routines lose meaning. The leadership team would need to start at square one: Casting a Vision for Hospitality.
When vision fades, greeters become door holders, ushers become bulletin passers, and connection never happens.
A shared vision keeps people focused on people. For a practical next step, see this short audio training: Cast the Vision for Church Hospitality. It will help you renew purpose with your team.
Then, build on that vision with practical next steps from this tutorial on church hospitality.
Coaching Corner
This is where I turn to you, the reader and leader. Think about last weekend, where you served or attended:
- How would you rank your church’s grasp of the welcome vision on a scale of 1 to 10?
- What could you personally do this week to raise it by one point?
Learn 13 ways to Cast the Vision for A Great Welcome
In this 79-minute audio MP3, pastors, hospitality ministry leaders, and volunteers will learn:
- 4 Reasons Church Visitors Don’t Return and Which Ones You Can Fix
- Evidence of Poor Church Hospitality Practices
- Meeting the Expectations of Your Church Visitors
- The Importance of Initiative in Greeting Church Visitors
- 14 Ways to Cast a Hospitality Vision
- How to Pray With Your Church Visitors
- 7 Next Steps for the Next 30 days.
Format: MP3 audio download (70 MB)
Price: 10.00
Editor’s Note: Updated October 18, 2025. This refresh highlights why strong systems still fail without a shared welcome vision and adds next steps for leaders and volunteers.
Quotes on Evangelism from Charles Spurgeon
I would like to know is it possible to add calling people up and sending out cards as a caring spirit to add to the hospitality group
@Janelle:
Thanks for asking. . . I think a decision like that needs to be tested for 6-8 weeks in your local area. In some areas, that would be intrusive. Other areas that would feel pretty appreciated and honored. Make a plan to test it out, and then measure repeat visits and decide if that is a viable follow up plan for your area.
Do you think delivering food, fruit baskets etc. to first time visitor’s is still acceptable?
The newcomer/hospitality is my ministry at Carlsbad Community Church in CA.
I welcome any comments.
Thanks,
Janelle
I visted a well known church, they had many thing in place. i was greeted at the door ,lead to my seat, on my way to the seat i asked the ushur if I could sit on the other side of the church. He told me ,” I dont know what church you came from but there is order in this church, and that the seat that he gave me is the seat that I will be sitting in. I was shocked by his attitude. My mind stayed on what he said and not on the sermon. Disapointed !
I have experience this same treatment before, I guess the Greeting Ministry need to have some more training.
There was no special seating for visitors, so we simply found a space and sat in it. Who knows if we accidentally sat in “someones” space.
In all the years of reading and studying the subject, having visitor seating area is overlooked.
I don’t recall ever seeing a recommendation or an analysis of the practice. The lack of this information tells me it’s either been overlooked, or simply rejected from the get go.
I would frown on the idea – it’s another practice that singles out the first time church guests and potentially embarrasses them unnecessarily.
Just my thoughts.
My husband and I are Hospitality Ministry Leaders at our church. I appreciate you sharing about the cold first time church visit. My husband and I are always looking for ways to improve our churches hospitality ministry,as well as increase the amunt of return visitors. We have been wondering if the seat location for the first tme visitor has an impact on their worship experience, and the visitors decision to return for a second visit to our chuch. Do you remember where you and your wife were seated during this cold first time church visit?
LaShawn
Shawn:
I’ve enjoyed reading your book and hope to have a review of it sometime in June when I clear out the stack of reviews I need to write. I’ve got some other articles to suggest if you’d like to republish a few of those as wel.
Chris.